One idea from Adlerian psychology struck me recently because of how accurately it describes human behavior — especially in our online world.
It’s this:
If a person truly has confidence in themselves, they don’t feel the need to boast.
At first, it sounds simple… almost too simple.
But when you look closely at people — including yourself — you begin to see how deeply true it is.
Why the Need to Boast Is Not Strength
The urge to show off doesn’t come from confidence.
It comes from insecurity trying to survive.
When someone feels inferior on the inside, they often overcorrect on the outside.
They start to:
- exaggerate their achievements
- dominate conversations
- seek validation
- promote an image of perfection
- crave attention to feel “seen”
The logic behind it is subtle but powerful:
“If I don’t make myself look superior, no one will accept me as I really am.”
This fear pushes people to create a false version of themselves — louder, bigger, more impressive — hoping it will compensate for what they feel they lack.
Adler called this a superiority complex, and it has nothing to do with actual superiority.
It’s a mask.
The Superiority Complex: A Shield for Inferiority
A superiority complex is simply the flip side of an inferiority complex.
When someone feels deeply inadequate, instead of acknowledging it, they build a persona that screams the opposite:
- “I’m better.”
- “I’m smarter.”
- “I’m more successful.”
- “I’m above you.”
But the louder the performance, the deeper the insecurity usually is.
Real confidence doesn’t need to shout.
It doesn’t need applause.
It doesn’t need to be proven.
It simply exists.
Quiet Confidence vs. Loud Insecurity
True confidence is quiet:
- It doesn’t demand attention
- It doesn’t rush to prove anything
- It doesn’t fear being misunderstood
- It doesn’t collapse when unrecognized
- It feels no pressure to “perform” strength
Confident people can:
- admit they don’t know something
- celebrate others’ success
- stand in silence without feeling small
- let their actions speak
- live without constant external validation
Insecurity, on the other hand, is loud:
- It shows off
- It interrupts
- It highlights achievements
- It needs admiration
- It constantly compares
- It fears being invisible
Insecurity is always trying to be seen.
Confidence is okay being unseen.
Why This Matters for Personal Growth
Understanding this is more than psychology — it’s practical.
It allows you to:
- notice when your actions come from fear rather than strength
- stop overcompensating
- step away from the need to “perform” confidence
- build a healthier, more grounded sense of self
And most importantly:
It frees you from thinking you must appear perfect to be respected.
Often, the people who seem the strongest are the ones struggling the most inside.
And the people who seem the quietest are the ones with the most inner certainty.
Final Thought
The next time you feel the urge to boast, exaggerate, or prove something, pause and ask:
“What part of me feels unsafe right now?”
Because the goal is not to appear confident —
it’s to become confident.
And that begins with honesty, humility, and the courage to stop pretending.
More Posts Like This
https://medium.com/a-smiling-world/insecurity-is-loud-confidence-is-quiet-9e999fc536e5
The Power of Healthy Boundaries